An example of assignment re-writing

Assignment by Chris / Problem Statement

Audience: boss/HR director
Goal: to request for remote/abroad working during the summer

1)During the summer, workload goes down between June & Mid August. Best time to look at the year's success and possible improvement, research new trends, and analysis competition. This process is necessary to get the "big picture", increase creativity and efficiency.

2) Researches are done online and files are accessible remotely so to be physically present in the office is not needed to accomplish this part of work.

3) I am asking for the authorization to work remotely for the month of June, more specifically from Paris, so I can take advantage of cultural offerings there also.

4) Great field research opportunity, counted as personal development that would benefit the company. No costs for the company.

5) I will deliver the results of my research on a weekly basis via email, phone conference and touch base meeting as needed.

Re-writing / re-structured by professor:

* Always think about solution first - which would be your purpose of writing: here the solution is work from Paris during the summer.
* this paragraph/issue could be written into five paragraph, not only a problem statement, but to be extended to an article.
* will need to add a "foreplay" to "make your problem their problem"!

S.Q.: BAM is New York's window on Europe and the world.

D.M.: As BAM has cut back on professional development and salaries, the marketing dept has grown more provincial, unable to leave the NY area for research and development.

Q: How to encourage the professional and personal development aiding BAM's mission?

Stakes: We have the opportunity to enrich our marketing staff at no cost to BAM.

Solution: During the slow summer months, offer employee the ability to work remotely from a culturally rich location.

Argument body:
Evidence: 1) slow summer; 2) maximize culture exposure/ research/ meet colleagues/ read materials; 3) increase productivity
A+R: 1) A: less accountability. R: establish schedule/branch marks
2) A: reasons to provide funds, R: free prof development, cost-neutral.

*Argument+Response: assuming/expecting what kind of question/doubts your audience would have about your claims, and respond to them.

Class Four

March 9, 2010

Topic Strings
Two positions in the English Sentence
Topic ------------------------------------------- Stress
First 6 words ------------------------------------ Last 6 words

People always remember the first and the last part of your sentence/paragraph...

String:
A - > B, B - > C
A - > B, A - > C
A - > B, C - > D (WRONG unless you start a new paragraph)

when you feel or sb says that your paragraph is too choppy, it means there's no string between your sentences.

Class Three

March 2, 2010
Topic: What's the next after problem statement?

Parts of Argument

1) Problem Statement - > Claim/Solution
2) Reasons
3) Evidences: {statistics, case studies, expert opinion, anecdotal evidence/hearsay}
4) Acknowledge + Response
5) Warrants: value assumption

Argument Boxes

- > Problem Statement / Claims
- > Warrants (what do you value?) - Warrants could be in the middle of Reasons or better be put before the reasons
- > {Reason 1 - Evidence A; Reason 2 - Evidence B; Reason 3 - A+R}
* each reason goes to "Claim"
** note the differences between "Warrants" here and the "Stakes" in Problem Statement part: Warant is what you value (e.g.: an environmental company must value the long-term environment); "Stakes" are why the readers should care.
- > Conclusion: one of the ways to do it is - assuming your readers have accepted your claims, what's the next step?

Logic Fallacies

1. Staw man: simple argument, just to burn it down;
2. Petitio principle - begging the question - circular logic, including the conclusion in the premise;
3. Redutio ad absurdom - slipping slope. e.g.: if we approve gay marriage, then next time we would approve marriage between human and dog...
4. Guilt by Association: e.g.: you can't attack a man and then hence attack his/her country/race
5. ad Hominean / "tu quoque" - arguing against human/personal

Class Two

Feb 23, 2010

In Class two, Jeremy mainly talked about a bad example and the assignments...
(will give some examples of before and after corrections later)

Some notes:

Try to avoid "nominalization", that is, "verb/adj.- > num";
e.g.: use "adjust" rather than "make adjustment"

Class One

Before I start, allow me to introduce our cute, humerous, free-spiritual and knowing-everything instructor:

Prof. Jeremy Kareken

Class One - Feb 16, 2010

1. Why write?

To change people's mind or action.

i.e., to argument, defend, positions...etc...

2. A table:

(I tried so many times to upload the table here...but it didn't work well...so I am just gonna write the key points here)

- Structure of the sentence: subject - verb ; but in content, this would become Charactor - Action - this is very important (it has been stressed many times by Jeremy);

- Structure of Inter-sentence: Topic - Stress; Jeremy talked about this a lot in the later classes - he emphasized that your "Topic" is always in the first six words of a sentence, while what you want to "Stress" is usually in the last six words of your sentence (principle: always tell people your point at the end of the story/email/article/sentence).

An example from one of the class assignments:

(will fill out later)

3. Be Clarity:
minimum words + maximum meaning = clarity

4. Structure of a paper:

Problem Statement - > Claim

Evidence

Reasoning

A+R: Argument + Respond

Warrants (unprovable)

Conclusion

5. How to "Problem Statement"

Five-step format:

I. Status Quo Ante - > sth before things went wrong

II. Destablizing moment

III. The Question

IV. Stakes - why the readers care/why it is important ( think it like if we do this, what?/if not, what?)

V. Answers

Start!!

I never thought of going to a class for improving my writing skills...
Thanks to my boss, now I am going to class - Writing on the Job I - at NYU, every Tuesday night.
I feel so refreshed in the class that I want to share what I learned here, especially with my dear friend - Yuan-ting *_*

I will start putting up my class notes from next post then.

I would be glad If my instructor or any of my classmates are reading this blog. In that way, we'd be able to correct, discuss, or bring up new topics.

Hope everybody who reads will find it useful, and welcome any discussion!